I don't know how to begin my foray into the world of blogging, so I will start with the simple truth. I am gay, and I am attempting to fully accept that fact. I thought I accepted my sexual orientation some time ago, but it has been my primary and constant preoccupation recently, which suggests that something needs to be addressed. I think my recent graduation from university has left my mind too idle; because of late, I am lost in my own world, lying awake at night thinking, continually distracted at work and essentially everywhere else. I have decided that a blog might be a good outlet for my thoughts. I am reminded of an Oscar Wilde quote: "Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." Expressing myself through the anonymity of the Internet may not be ideal, but it is a step in the right direction.
The first question that tends to come up on this subject is whether or not I have "come out." Coming out is probably regarded by many as one of the first steps toward self-acceptance. I am not out to my family. A few of my friends know. The idea of coming out is often on my mind, but it is somewhat contrary to my personality. I don't want a dramatic discussion... I don't want to burden anyone... I don't even want to be reassured that they still accept me, as strange as that may sound. I don't want my family to feel like I previously did not trust them, nor do I want them to feel like I have any doubt about who I am. My present stance is that I will deal with the issue if I meet someone and establish a relationship, but I am beginning to doubt the wisdom of isolating myself in this way. Is coming out an important step? Or is it more of a ritual, a rite of passage?
On a lighter note, here's a video that never fails to make me laugh:
About Me
- 3.I.
- Recent university grad, somewhere in the gray area of early- and mid-20s.
6 comments:
Hi there,
First of all, I welcome you to the world of blogging, as you call it. I myself have started blogging earlier this month, and I can tell your that writing down your feelings and thoughts is on therapeutic, and if you are lucky you will even have an audience that comments on the things you write. I hope some people will follow the link from my blog to yours.
I think the here and now can only be appreciated well if one knows a bit about your past. I'm looking forward to what you have to say in your blog. I think your first post is definately a good start.
Coming out certainly IS a big deal. It's a big change in your life, and most of the people I spoke to wished they would have waited that long... But you should never do it if you feel you're not ready. That will become more clear as you write more about yourself.
Obviously I mean "most of the people I spoke to wished they would NOT have waited that long..."
Thanks for reading and responding, jackdaw. I am also looking forward to where this may lead. The formative experiences are often very interesting in these situations, so writing about the past likely will be a logical progression for me.
Thank you for sharing your own blog, as well.
I can't offer much advice except this, please don't let that primary and constant preoccupation burden you like it had me for so long. Your happiness is worth much more than your wasted and lost time. Good luck!
All I can tell you is that I came out last year to my friends, and it has been the easiest, happiest year of my life so far. I came out to my family 2 months ago, and the same has been true. And yes, I am someone who doesn't like dramatic conversations or burdening my family or the fact that it's been so long and feels like a lack of trust to the people to whom I owed the truth. In the end, the person who made it the most dramatic, the most burdening was me, because I had done all the dramatic, burdensome worrying. Everybody else reacted in a very non-dramatic, non-burdened. I've been lucky. I circulate with very liberal people, but I've heard pretty good stories even from my conservative gay friends. The world is turning.
I saw your comment on Matt's latest post to DTB. I really like that site, but I think my gay blog of choice is joemygod.blogspot.com. I'm no disco-queen, no leather bear, (and you seem to be no American) but the blog gives me a great sense of community and common culture anyway. You can certainly check out mine too, but it's a little more random.
Please keep us updated. Your story reminds me of mine (although I'm a little younger -- almost 21), and so I genuinely care.
Welcome 3.i!
heya dude - u left comments on my blog but you did not leave an email. So you gotta send me an email id. Also I am not sure if you read about Brody and me. But we were the same - the only difference being we never told each other. I respect you for your guts for telling him. Good on ya. Talk soon.
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